


Play for Me

by paradisewaiting



Series: Breakdown [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Chopin - Freeform, Classical Music, Dogs, I needed to write angst, I'm Sorry, Jeeps, M/M, Nocturn, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Social Anxiety, Some sort of AU, Stuff, idk what to tag, panic disorder, there might be smut later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 02:08:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3101207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisewaiting/pseuds/paradisewaiting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two and a half weeks. 18 days. The panic attacks had gotten worse. His medications had been changed. Sleep had eluded Levi almost every night and nights when he did manage to get to sleep it was short lived because of the nightmares. He had gone through 2 sketchbooks in that time. The shrink told him relapses were normal, that things would get better again, but Levi wasn’t so sure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Play for Me

                Two and a half weeks. 18 days. The panic attacks had gotten worse. His medications had been changed. Sleep had eluded Levi almost every night and nights when he did manage to get to sleep it was short lived because of the nightmares. He had gone through 2 sketchbooks in that time. The shrink told him relapses were normal, that things would get better again, but Levi wasn’t so sure. The only time he left the safety of the house was for his appointments, which Hange had driven him to. He was in no condition to be driving. “Levi, you have to go talk to him.” Hange insisted. He had told them what had happened the day his jeep was fixed. They were convinced that if Levi went and talked to him, figured out what went wrong, the panic attacks would lessen. “I don’t want to see him ever again.” But even his mind betrayed him, playing the events of that day over and over until he was a mess on the floor. He couldn’t escape his eyes, the look he had given Levi. The pure anger he had incited accidentally. But here he was, standing outside the vet’s with two paper cups of coffee, Kingston’s leash looped around his wrist.

How had he gotten here? He was sure he didn’t want to be here. Hange had given him an ultimatum: Go talk to the boy or they were going to find him and bring him to the house. That was the last thing he wanted.

                He pushed through the door and put the cup down in front of Eren, who was working on some papers at the front desk.  The boy looked up, eyes wide, clear, and confused.  Confused, that is, until they reached Levi’s face, then they furrowed into a scowl.  
“Stop that.” It was out of Levi before he could stop it.  
“Excuse me? You show up here with coffee out of nowhere and you tell _me_ to stop? I don’t even know why you’re here, or what you want me to stop.” He pushed the coffee away.  
“Why?”  
“What? Can you make sense for once?”  
“Why did you want coffee?”  
“Is that what this is all about? Jesus Christ, really?”  
“No, I’m here because I love going out and interacting with little shits that I can’t get out of my head. I love feeling like I might freak out at any moment. Nevermind. I don’t give a shit. I’m going home.” Levi turned to leave.  
“Why are you here if you don’t want to be then?” The boy was standing, holding his arm, stopping him from leaving.  
“My shit roommate seems to think talking to you will somehow fix my relapse.” Why was he telling him this?  
“I’ve got a break in ten minutes, can you wait?”  
Wait, what? Was the little brat actually going to concede to this? What the hell.  
Levi nodded and walked out the door; the cool fall air cleared his head and sent shivers down his spine. He had been dropped off here, so he literally had nowhere to go until this was over unless he called Hange, and he knew if he called Hange without resolving this they’d force and mediate a meeting between the two.

                The vet backed a river that ran through the middle of the city. Levi wandered around back with Kingston, gripping his coffee cup, wishing he had put on a warmer sweater. He wandered to a small bluff jutting out from the otherwise grassy valley walls that led down to the river sat down, watching the water sparkle shades of red and orange. He could hear people entering and exiting the vet but didn’t notice Eren approaching behind him, his footsteps basically silent in the grass. Levi nearly fell off the rock he was perched on when Eren sat down beside him. “I didn’t see your Jeep in the parking lot.” Levi shook his head. “Can’t stand driving at the best of times.”  
“And you’re not having the best of times, are you?”  
He shook his head again.  
“Relapse? Like, things got worse instead of better?”  
Levi just nodded.  
“And I’m somehow involved in this relapse.”  
It wasn’t a question, really, more of a statement.  Levi nervously looked around himself, no one was behind the vet’s, in fact it was absolutely silent save from the noises Kingston’s was making in the grass.  
“How do I…What happened?”  
Levi avoided the question, instead choosing to gaze out across the river at the people on the path on the other side.  
“I can’t do anything if I don’t know what I did, dude.”  
“My name is Levi. Not dude.”  
It was silent a moment longer before Levi spoke again.  
“I don’t understand why you were so upset that day. Normal people it would just pick at the back of their minds if they accidentally upset someone for a reason they didn’t understand. I’m not normal.”  
Levi heard a light chuckle next to him and snapped his head around to stare at Eren who was smiling to himself.  
“No, I’m not laughing at you. It’s just if you don’t know why it’s embarrassing for me to explain.” Eren glanced at Levi and his smile immediately disappeared.  
“Look, I’m really sorry that I caused all of this. I have a short temper sometimes. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, you didn’t even know…nevermind. You know what? It’s done, I’m not mad at you at all, okay? Does that help?”  
Levi just stared, his brows furrowed. He was more confused now than he was before.  
“How are you getting home?”  
The boy held his hand out for Kingston to sniff but refrained from petting him; Levi could tell he wanted to.  
“What?”  
“You’re Jeep isn’t here, you must’ve been dropped off. How are you getting home?”  
“Uhm…roommate.”  
“I can drive you home if you want.” Now the boy was picking at the edge of his cup. Was he nervous? Levi couldn’t understand any of this.  
“I’m so confused right now.” Levi rubbed his forehead in exasperation. He leaned forward and held his head in his hands, elbows on his knees.  
“Jesus Christ, you’re going to make me explain this aren’t you?” Eren leaned back on his hands, looked at the sky, shades of orange in the early evening.  
“That’d be nice.” Levi didn’t move his head, just curled his fingers into his hair.  
“Uhm…how do I say this…Uh…”  
“Just spit it out already.”  
“Okay, Jesus. I like you? As in…I’m not exactly straight? God, I’m sorry. This is really awkward and that’s probably not helping. I just wanted to spend a little more time with you and I got upset that you gave me money and called it the same thing.”  
Levi’s eyes were saucers as he turned to the boy. “What…w-w-w…why? People don’t like me. I like to keep it that way.”  
The boy just looked down, a sad look on his face.  
“That sounds awfully lonely.”  
“It sounds safe.”  
“Look, it’s nothing. It’s obviously nothing that’s going anywhere so let’s just drop it now, not make a big deal out of it.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Dude, what?” Now Eren was looking at Levi confused, sitting up straight.  
“I was oblivious; I didn’t mean to insult or hurt you. You seem like a good kid.” Levi was staring at Kingston. Eren sighed. “I’m not a kid.”  
“And my name, isn’t dude.”  
“Ugh. Can we just move past this and just act like it never happened? I wouldn’t mind trying to be friends.”  
“I don’t have friends.” Levi said quietly. It was true, he had very few people in his life at all, let alone anyone he would consider a friend besides Hange, who was more of a babysitter than a friend now.  
“Do you really think that’s helping you? Keeping everyone away?” Eren wasn’t looking at Levi; he had put his cup down and was fidgeting with his fingers. Levi just stared at him. No one had ever had the balls to point out anything he did as wrong aside from his shrink, who always sugar coated everything.  
“My social anxiety would say yes, I guess.” He pulled out his phone, started typing on it.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Texting my roommate to come get me, unless you have some other nuggets of wisdom for me?”  
“I said I’d drive you home. C’mon.” Eren stood and walked towards the parking lot. He stopped and looked towards Levi still sitting on the small outcropping of rock. “It’s mostly my fault you’re here after all. I just have to grab my keys. Here.” He slipped off his sweater and tossed it at Levi, who caught it and stared at him confused. “You look frozen.” He shrugged and walked back inside. Levi couldn’t deny he was cold and against his better judgement slipped into the sweater. It was warm still and well-worn and too big. It smelled of pets and disinfectant and something else and Levi was warmed immediately. He pulled it tighter around himself and pushed himself away from where he had been sitting. Eren met him at the door as he passed by, carrying a backpack. “They’re letting me off early because the boss lady is in today, do you need to go anywhere else? I’ve got time now.” Levi shook his head and followed Eren to his car.

                The trip home seemed longer than it actually was because it was almost entirely silent. Eren seemed to be confused as they rolled up to Levi’s house. “Wait, you live here?” Eren asked as they stopped, stooping to look through the window at the large Victorian house. Levi nodded, a bit confused. “Dude that’s gotta be ridiculous to rent, how many of you live there?” Levi looked at him like Eren had grown a second head. “I own it…”  
“Wow. Okay appearances are deceiving I guess.”  
“The hell does that mean?” Levi spat back.  
“No no, I just never would’ve guessed by looking at you that you would have _that_ kind of money. Sorry.”  
Levi shook his head and leaned to open the door.  
“Can I look at it? I love old houses.”  
He turned to see Eren still stooped and staring at the house; bright green eyes moving methodically over the façade.  
“Shit, that’s really weird isn’t it? Sorry. Nevermind.” The boy straightened but had a hard time keeping his eyes away from the house.  
“God, if you’re that interested in it.” Levi sighed and got out of the car.  
“Wait, what?” The boy was standing halfway out of his door, the car still running. “Is that a yes? Really?”  
Levi shrugged and walked across the yard. “Don’t make me regret this.” He called behind him. He heard the car turn off and footsteps running behind him to catch up.  
“Thanks dude. I mean Levi. Fuck I’m awkward. I just mean…I didn’t actually expect you to let me into your house. I kinda thought you hated me to be honest.”  
“I don’t hate you”  
“How old is it? The house?” The kid was awe struck and Levi just shook his head.  
“Late 1800’s.” He walked across the large deck and unlocked the door. “Wow. That’s really old. I can’t wait to see the…” Eren trailed off as he walked through the door. He deflated, looking around almost disappointed. “It’s all been renovated…” Levi nodded. “The main floor is all renovated and modern. The second floor has only been restored." “Can I see up there? This modern stuff is nice and all but…I almost majored in history, I’m sorry, I’m not trying to say you’re house is shitty. It’s just really disappointing.” Levi shrugged and chewed his thumb as He took the lease off Kingston, who didn’t move from beside him. He walked through the main floor; Eren and Kingston close on his heels, to the rather large staircase that led upstairs. “There’s nothing but spare rooms up there, feel free to explore.” He said climbing the stairs and sitting himself on the plush bench that was placed under the window there.

                Minutes passed and Levi began to get more anxious as the boy was still gone, somewhere in his house. ‘This was a mistake. Why did I let him in here?’ His thoughts were interrupted by the faint sounds of piano coming from down the hall. He got up and followed the sound, knowing exactly where it would lead to. He padded quietly to the door of the library and peeked in. Sure enough Eren was seated at the glossy grand piano in the corner, playing a song Levi was familiar with; Chopin’s Nocturne. The song was melancholy and didn’t seem to fit with the image of the Eren he had seen in the car, awestruck by the house, stupid grin on his face. He walked silently into the room and sat in one of the armchairs. “You don’t actually plan on finishing that piece do you?”  
Eren smirked behind the piano. “It’s over an hour long. I’ve only ever finished the whole thing once. I don’t think I could now without the music in front of me.” Levi stood from the chair and walked to a nearby chest, lifting the top and rummaging around. He pulled out an old, battered book and set it on the music prop in front of Eren. Eren stopped playing and burst out laughing, reaching for the book. “You actually have the music. I mean, of course you do, why am I even surprised?” He shrugged as he flipped through the pages. “Sorry I got distracted by the piano. Your house is beautiful.” He stood. Levi nodded, unsure what to say. “Well’ I’m gonna jet before I overstay my welcome.” The boy moved towards the door.  Levi followed reluctantly back to the front door. They said their goodbyes and Eren left back to his car, Levi heading to his room and flopping down onto his bed, forgetting completely he was still wearing Eren’s sweater. He fell asleep almost instantly.


End file.
